You read that in the Professors Farnsworth’s voice didn’t you?
Sweet zombie Jesus.. Wha!
Well yes it is good news, except for Crystal Cox that is. It seems that the universe is starting to right itself.
How you ask?
Well you just have to look at these two links that used to be owned by Crystal and now you can see that they both point to the one, the only, the man with the MAFAI ties himself (silk not leather) Marc Randazza’s Legal Group.
So Crystal (or should we also include a Ms Mayers with this question) does your domain name portfolio feel less bulky now? Better hang on tight, it seems it will be getting slimmer each and every day.
We aren’t normally ones to gloat, but in the words of Zoidberg.
Woop! Woop! Woop! Woop! Woop!
Now back to your normal HypnoToad channel the lot of you. Though we will shortly be posting some huge expose’s of the stupid, the mundane, the perjured, and the discombobulated, with even some history thrown in about extortion and bad manners for good measure.
We might even talk about how we ourselves are not even situated in the USA.. o_O
Due to that thing the rest of us, other than Crystal, call reality we have been sadly remiss in our duties to educate and laugh at Crystal Cox. Though it seems she and some of her weird newfriends in the Batshit Crazy cave have been doing our job for us.
You see Crystal has tried to make some sort of meaning out of Righthaven, Steve Gibson (CEO of Righthaven), Stephens Media, Todd Kincannon, and Marc Randazza, by linking them all together in some sort of weird conspiracy involving Porn, the Las Vegas Review-Journal (A newspaper), Magical Hocus Pocus, knpr (a radio station), and the Illuminati. Or was that Lizard aliens? (who can understand Monica Foster’s weirdness)
All this weirdness can be found on Crystal’s own blogs which we wont link to anymore from here since all that is doing is giving her more revenue for her link farms thereby enabling her to keep up with her vilifying and extorting ways.
For anyone who has never heard of Righthaven (you lucky people) these links referring to court cases that the EFF and Randazza Group were a part of against Righthaven should help you understand why the following video is by everyone on the planet to Crystal Cox and her army of nucking futters.
Crystal we suggest that you click on this link for the full 10hour experience of what the world is doing whenever they read your delusions.
You all thought we weren’t serous didn’t you? Seriously? Ha! that will teach you.
Talking about teaching, or in all seriousness typing about it, ok ok.. we hear the groans.. we will stop this serious business of typing ‘serious’ every three words. Seriously
Back to teaching. Would anyone like to know of a learning experience that might be about to be given to Crystal Cox? No? Right.. you.. yes you behind the bikesheds… stand still laddie! oops sorry we had a Pink Floyd - The Wall moment there.
For you other nice students who will be having pudding. We invite you to sit back, open your minds, and listen to this lesson of life.
As most people understand you are never too old or too young to learn, life itself is a learning experience, whether it is a cruel one or an enjoyable one full of wonder we leave to the student to understand. Though in Crystal’s case the lesson on not attempting to extort, intimidate nor interfere with a witness has seemingly not been taught, or if it has it must of slipped through the cracks of her DERP (Deluded & Erratic Reality Distortion) Field.
See there is a well known common sense law that is part of United States Code - Title 18 (Crimes and Criminal Procedure) that states that “Tampering with a Witness, Victim, or Informant” is a Federal crime punishable by up to 20 years in jail, which means students, that Crystal may (and we think Crystal’s definition of may would be correct here) be placed into playground detention for a while.
Below the fold is a long drawn out, and shall we say seriously (yes… ok ok) boring though informative reasoning of why we here at CrystalsTumblingCox think it is way past time that the School of Life’s Principal becomes involved (ie: those scary dudes and dudesess who sit at a bench and bring down punishments on the naughty boys and girls)
"The sexual yammer, threats to my kneecaps, lies about me, and all the hate rising up through the lies of Marc Randazza, well I will trust that the Great Spirit is watching over me there. I will no longer engage. However, I will now include Marc Randazza in my investigations”
Yes we Know, making sense is not her forte, so check it out for yourself, and remember CrystalsTumblingCox is not responsible for any and all injuries you may suffer from looking at her post here.
So what are we going to do about all this serious stuff.
Yes. we will begin to get all serious. Though don’t worry, I’m sure it wont be much different, you see there is serious, then there is Yahoo Serious.
And seeing as it is a Sunday, and there are Easter eggs to seriously consume we hereby declare Monday to be serious day.
Though in no way will we even consider explaining let alone thinking about what her “sexual yammer” is..
It seems that Captain Obvious himself has come out of retirement [h/t to Joe_pullen].
He, that sees all and knows all that is common and obvious, has once again heard the cries of the sane and heeded the call to once again take up what to him is quite obvious and explain to the world that Crystal Cox is, in his words
"[a] Bat-shit crazy Blogger of BullShit, defamer of the innocent, Reverend of the Ridiculous"
Not only that but because this is the 21st century, he has graciously made a HD multimedia presentation of awesomeness.
We recommend that you click the full screen [ ] icon to get the full awesomeness, and once you watch it once, watch it again to keep pausing and read what will be obvious to everyone that Crystal is just another wannabee nutter with an attachment problem and narcissism trait who just wants to be immortalized.
She will be, though even Captain Obvious would agree that it is not going to be in the way she wants it to be. Oh well, it’s obvious when you think about it.
Marc Randazza in a heartfelt and eloquent interview with On The Media states what this strange, and in some ways ironic for a First Amendment Lawyer, situation with Crystal Cox and her weird “google bomb” type strategy of (in our opinion) intimidation/harassment/extortion has caused for him, his wife, and his daughter and the internal struggle he has had to go through to deal with it all.
Play the 8 minute long embedded audio below or head on over to On The Media to hear, embed, or download it .
In the interest of equity you can also read Crystal Cox’s incoherent post in response on her ,one of many pages, here .
It seems that Crystal now considers herself BatShit crazy too, and part of a Radio network of BatShit crazies. We definitely wont be arguing with that.
After much angst, debate, and argument (mostly over who’s turn it is to buy drinks) we have come to the understanding that we are not worthy of Crystal Cox’s craziness.
You see, no matter how hard we have tried, the amount of time and effort we have placed into every investigative Dig Deep story we have posted here it is still not enough for Crystal. She demands like Oliver, more… more digging, more deeper probing, more investigate blogging more more More and even mOrE.
Why do we know this dear readers, because she refuses to acknowledge that CrystalsTumblingCox is part of the Cliques of Normals Secretly Performing Insidious Rituals Aimed at Controlling You (C.O.N.P.I.R.A.C.Y), and we are not the only ones.
Jordan Rushie a lawyer of diversity, adventurism, insomnia, and awesome beards who seems as normal as anyone else - though he does thinks Ken would look good as scully *blink*. He has discovered that he too, like us is not part of this clique and has written of his melancholy in a deep and moving post.
Jordan, we feel your pain. We empathize. We the victims of Crystal’s bullying behavior excluding us from her insane ramblings must band together to stop it.
How do we do this? Do we ignore it, do we take action under proposed anti-bully laws (sadly we are not in Arizona so that wont work)?.
What about education? Education! Yes Education and letting the sunshine out is the ONLY way to treat this travesty of exclusion.
To that end, after the fold, we have posted at great expense an educational prose explaining for Crystal, and anyone else with a penchant for tinfoil what a Conspiracy is and how to spot them.
Like Jordan, we need to be included, we might not have Scully’s looks, or Mulder’s hair, or even the Smoking Man’s grating voice, sarcasm and disdain, though we will, may FSM guide us, be The Lone Gunmen.
The word may to us, is full of meaning, full of a sense of possibilities and opportunities with it’s tiny and cute 3 letter combination of; m that is found starting words like mom, music, mirth and mischief; a found in the vowels of the English language itself therefore a hAppy letter full of mirth and mischief (the Greeks even call it the beginning letter); y why indeed is this letter the source of Crystal’s scorn since it is an affirmative letter of Yes and Yo and even found within funny sayings; but to Crystal Cox this word is wrong, and seems to now be beholden to what she considers reality.
Crystal you see good readers has taken this word, this word with it’s many and varied uses of historical, legal, and cultural significance and decided instead that may now means hence and forthwith MUST.
Why do we state this travesty of etymological proportions.
Well Crystal has once again helped define what to any reasonable, semi-intelligent, or even semi-illiterate person this word means, as the complete and bleeding opposite of what it actually should be.
In her latest treatise on why she is more equal than anyone else and why the world must Respect Her Authoritah! we notice the following at the misnamed website of “Investigative Blogger" [and here we thought Ethics Complaint was irony incarnate]
Here is the Disclaimer in this Email Thread Regarding the Communication, Privileged Communication Between Crystal Cox Defendant in Her Pro Se Capacity and Opposing Counsel David Aman, Tonkon Torp Law Firm.
"The information contained in this e-mail message may be privileged, confidential, and protected from disclosure. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution, or copying is strictly prohibited. …… If you think you have received this e-mail message in error, please e-mail the sender at firstname.lastname@example.org”
This misled me, deceived me, in my Pro Se Capacity, that along with the fact that the lawsuit had already been filed, a cease and desist already sent and I was responding to David Aman, Attorney for the Plaintif CONTACTING ME.
[sadly all formatting and cognitive dissonance has not been changed ]
Can you see it? The destruction, the horror, the pain that may now endures, when someone of Crystals highly investigative blogging caliber shows the world that she and she alone can tell that may = must and must =! may.
One day soon, in the not too distant future Crystal herself will have need of this word, but sadly in her universe no body will understand what “MustDay Mustday Mustday” means and she will drown in her own self indulgent and egotistical swill.
We might help, though only it seems in the month of May, or is that Must now?
Yes that was our exact exclamation, part of it anyway, the rest was “The FUUUUUUUCK!” when we found whilst surfing the tubes and Digging Deep, as one does, this actually not bad site dealing with Lesbian issues called “Out Lesbian" that is owned by, you guessed it, the Dig Derp herself Crystal Cox.
Now you might be asking, What is our issue with lesbians.
Nothing, we don’t care if someone is Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Hetrosexual, Transexual, black, white, yellow, or purple polka dotted with trisexual tentacles, though that would be strange - but awesome. The reason we bring this to your attention is Crystal Cox in her infinite batshit craziness has basically destroyed the whole site for her personal Ego trip and to confront the demons in her head that keep whispering that Marc Randazza is her sworn enemy and must be destroyed by using bad capitalization.
Yes you guessed it the top post which takes up two pages is all about Marc. Don’t bother reading it, it’s the same post on countless other sites we have all seen, and will again, and again, and ad infi-fuckin-nitem.
Why would you do this Crystal, is it not enough that you are bringing the Legal and Technology fraternities down upon you, you now have to bring Lesbians into your madness?
Oh for those wondering about match.com, that’s an interesting story, but we will allow Crystal herself to tell it in a video found
[warning: CrystalsTumblingCox takes no responsibility for outbreaks of laughter, headaches, or other maladies that may occur from watching the following video - you have been forewarned]